Desdemona Bandini

Daily Titan Staff
Thursday, April 21, 2005


I love men.

But I recently broke up with one I dated for years and moved to a new city where I knew no one. I found it hard to make time to meet people on my busy student schedule so I thought I would go online and try Internet dating. There is an expression, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” and I have found that to be my experience in a nutshell.

My first attempt was an accident. I was cruising CraigsList when the women seeking men caught my eye. I noticed that few people posted photos. I thought, why not? I put an ad up with my photo explaining I was new in town and new to Internet dating, but willing to give it a go.

I instantly got around 70 replies. It was overwhelming. Instant love, one click away. I was so popular! My god, my ego was boosted! As I attempted to navigate through the masses, I was surprised at all of the different types of men that responded. Men from every color and religion replied. Men who wrote poems, men who wanted to be my slave, men who had pre-written replies explaining themselves and men who sent disgusting photos of their genitals. Basically, men who were losers.

I realized I had to be more specific and weed out the weirdos. So I made a new ad and my criteria specified the race of my preference, a very high income requirement, and no drug users. Again, a huge response, only this time half of it was hate mail. Men who hated me for not wanting to date them. Hated me so much that they flagged my ad and took it down in less than an hour. So much for CraigsList.

I found a site called MillionaireMatch. I thought the name was hilarious. Might as well be called Pimps & Ho’s. I put up a profile. I met a nice Persian music mogul. He was cute, but small. Too small. He picked me up in his Cadillac Escalade SUV and dropped hints of his million-dollar ventures, but we had fun. The next date he wanted me to go to his palatial crib and watch a movie while he cooked for me. Translation: Sex. I was suppose to do the usual, “Ohh your car is big, your house is so nice, do me.” But I didn’t. I said I would go on a date, but not to his house. He threw a tantrum and that was that. The next guy was James 007, who was from the South, born rich (he claimed) and had an adorable photo of a blond yuppie that turned out to be very old. He had straggly black hair and looked like the devil. His music choice: Marilyn Manson. He requested I wear black. When he tried to spank me within 10 minutes of meeting me, I’d had enough.

Maybe Yahoo Personals? I tried it, but found few cute boys. The ones I found rarely logged in or they had massive amounts of replies like me to wade through.

There were a few normal replies, but they got lost in the masses. One told me to check out his profile on a site called Jdate, a site for Jewish people created specifically to find love. I had recently dated a beautiful Jewish lawyer and was smitten by him, but he moved out of state. I was intrigued by the men I saw on Jdate.... (to be continued)

VOL.2--------------
Continued from last week’s issue .... One potential lover told me to check out his profile on a site called Jdate, a site for Jewish people to find love. I had recently dated a beautiful Jewish lawyer and was smitten by him, but he moved out of state. I was intrigued by the men I saw on Jdate. They seemed to have what I was looking for: tall, dark and handsome; educated; successful; family-oriented; and well traveled. I am not Jewish, but I signed up anyway. You know the stereotype of the nagging Jewish mother telling her son to marry a nice Jewish girl? There is a reason for this.

I made a profile, and let them know I was not Jewish, but I looked like I could be. Again, an overwhelming response. Only this time, the men appeared to be sane and attractive and listed their degrees, hobbies and incomes.

Thus began my quest on Jdate. I would log on and my screen would blow up with people trying to chat. It was overwhelming. There were doctors, lawyers and creative types. I started actually going on dates. I met a few nice lawyers, all Leos for some reason, but there were no fireworks.

I went out with one guy who had a great headshot, only to find out he was a midget and only his head was normal-sized. That was a shocker! I went out with “OneSolidMan,” who loved cooking and wanted to go to a museum. I soon found out he was bi-sexual, not at all what I pictured my next love to be. I don’t share, and I don’t date guys who like to date guys.

I was addicted to the instant attention, but was getting weary of the chatting. They all wanted to meet right away, just because I responded. They were relentless. I felt pressured. I didn’t have enough free time to date all of them. I can’t juggle men, although I tried. “JewForU” looked like Bozo the clown and started to cyber-stalk me. I got rich, old Jewish guys who wanted to be my sugar daddy. There was the comedian and the screenplay writer. There was a director for a circus, the surfer, and the investment banker.

It was becoming a blur. They were all named after apostles. How many Matthews and Davids are there in this world? I would get my hopes up, only to be utterly disappointed every other time. Mark from New York was coming to town. He called me weeks prior. When it was time to meet for lunch, he stood me up. I figured he must not look anything like his photo.

I would meet them and they would be older, fatter or boring. But mostly, they were horny. All of them so horny. Dinner and drinks and then I would have to fight them off and try to get back to my car. I was getting very tired of being expected to put out just because I showed up.

I do not think it’s a Jewish thing; I think it is an online thing. There is this assumption men have that Internet women are easy or desperate. The more savvy I got at cyber dating, the more upsetting it was. I was starting to hate all men before I even met them.

Are there no men out there who are busy like me and want to actually date and get to know someone? I came up with the three date rule. If we can make it to three dates, and I still like you, maybe I would consider the possibility of something more. I haven’t made it to three dates yet. In fact, I took down all my profiles, and canceled the dates I never wanted.

I have sworn off Internet dating altogether. That is, after I finish the two dates I have lined up next week, just because they swore they were different. And have promised not to attack me. And they are really cute. Tomorrow is another day and you never know until you try. Worth a shot, right?